The end of season 12 is upon us and I, for one, can't wait to see how it ends. Although technically I do know what goes down because Reality Steve is a godsend, I just love to see the dramatics of the final episode. JoJo, our good pal the hypocrite, is in love with two men: Jordan and Robby. Now, she's not as bad as Wannabe Senator Ben Higgins because she refuses to actually drop the L word with either of them, lest she cause them the pain she felt last year, but I guess now she gets it. If we got anything out of this show, we know now that Joelle Hannah Fletcher has gone through at least a modicum of personal development. Her family has flown to Phuket, Thailand where they'll be meeting the final two and giving her advice on who to pick. We all know I started this episode as Team Jordan, but by the end of it, I was pretty much Team No One.
I have loved JoJo's mom, Soraya, since Ben met her family earlier this year. She is a total looney tune and very, very pushy and I totally get why JoJo is the way she is after seeing her mom. Jordan meets the family first and JoJo straight up tells them that he's her type and could potentially break her heart. Not the best way to introduce a potential fiancé to your parents, but, whatever, not my life. He shows up with hats for everyone — because apparently in the Rodgers family, embarrassing each other with stupid giant hats is a tradition. Like, are you sure you want to marry into this family? JoJo's mom spends a lot of time forcing Jordan to say what she wants to hear — that he'll never treat JoJo poorly. She thinks he's a playboy and makes it pretty obvious that she's not his biggest fan because he and JoJo are too much alike. We have no time for your shenanigans, Soraya — we just need to know if you like him.
The biggest takeaway from Jordan meeting JoJo's parents is that she specifically asked for him to ask for her father's blessing to marry her… and he absolutely didn't do anything remotely close to it. I would love — I mean, love — to spend a day in Jordan's head because I'm pretty sure it's empty space and maybe one ongoing football game in the corner somewhere.
Robby shows up to meet JoJo's parents with flowers and no hats, so this is already a good call on his part. The thing about Robby that skeeves me out is that he is so supremely overconfident — he refers to JoJo's parents as his future in-laws, talks about how he's going to propose to her — doesn't even take into consideration for a moment that maybe Jordan is winning them over even more. However, this is the number one thing that makes me distrust Robby. All of his answers, while refined and smooth and probably true, are totally manufactured. He spits off reasons why he loves JoJo and why he'd make a good husband at a totally rapid fire clip. You have to remember that homie is a salesman — he works in real estate — and he's probably watched Glengarry Glen Ross a few too many times. He has to always be closing and, in this case, that's exactly what he's doing. Natch, JoJo's family falls in love with Robby, and work to convince her that he's the one for her.
Does she listen? No. She demands to know what is going on with Jordan, why he didn't propose, etc. To me, it's pretty clear that she wants to marry Jordan but doesn't want to let go of Robby yet. However, if Jordan's just not going to follow the one thing you've asked for and ask your dad for your hand in marriage… you still want to marry him? Unclear. Robby asked both of her parents for her hand in marriage! Jordan is really missing the mark here.
There are two days until the rose ceremony so JoJo's got dates with each of them. She and Robby head out on a beach day which is very cute but also overly sentimental. He has visions of him and JoJo sitting in a house while their kids play in the other room, some spiel about dinner burning but they don't care because they're just so in love. He looks like a schmuck but she digs it. She makes it a point to say that she trusts Robby more than anything, so for someone with trust issues, I'm shocked that she's doubting him this much.
Jordan and JoJo take a boat ride to a kayak trip through caves and grottos in Thailand. Even when there's only two people left, Jordan still gets the coolest dates. Jordan and JoJo are best friends which I believe is more important than all the sentimental stuff that Robby continues to churn out. JoJo asks Jordan how his talk with her father went, knowing full well that he didn't ask for permission and he admits that he didn't. She goes semi-nuclear (as nuclear as the Bachelorette can) because it's the one thing she asked for. I just don't understand what his thought process was — he doesn't know if he's going to propose because he might get cut off. Has he never watched the show? Does he not know you have to have something prepared regardless? Was he going to wait until they called him over right before sunset to call and make sure that he had her dad's blessing?
Jordan and Robby meet with Neil Lane (the forever sponsor of True Manufactured Love) to pick out the rings they are going to give JoJo when they propose. Robby's? Hideous. No question about it. Jordan's, on the other hand, is gorgeous. They both write her letters prior to the proposal which obviously make her cry because crying is all JoJo knows how to do.
The first car pulls up to JoJo waiting on the beach and who steps out but… Robby. Called this from the very beginning — Jordan wins the whole show. Robby did break my heart a little bit because he just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that he actually lost to Jordan. He literally had his head in his hands and I have to admit that it was painful to watch. You could tell he was just as blindsided as JoJo was last year but I have major doubts that Robby will be the next Bachelor. My money's on Luke (meaning… I hope it's Luke because I love Luke). Jordan proposes, JoJo obviously says yes, and they have a gorgeous sunset engagement.
So… there you have it. A potential Fletcher-Rodgers wedding may be in our midst! Can you imagine how wildly tacky that would be? Everyone would have a stupid hat! Soraya would probably sing a few songs after having a few too many G&Ts! Aaron definitely would not show up and the paparazzi would leave disappointed! I have to find a way to get invited to that wedding. I, for one, am glad this season's over… and can't wait to see Chad back on my television tonight for Bachelor in Paradise!
Photo credit: ABC.com
Episode 9: The Final Three
Episode 8: We Only Care About Aaron Rodgers
Episode 7: The One with All the Horses
Episode 6: I Totally Cried for Him Argentina
Episode 5: No One Can Pronounce Uruguay
Episode 4: Perception Is Reality, Chad
Episode 3: Make America Chad Again
Episode 2: Marines Should Behave Better Than This
Episode 1: Canadians Don’t Visit Texas