Sometimes I think The Bachelor would be way better if it was modeled after the WWE. Same level of drama and flash but more violence. I'd kill to see a true Olivia-Emily smackdown. You just know Emily would enter the ring to T-Swift's “Bad Blood.” I'd place money on it. Anyway, welcome back to week 6 of The Bachelor, or as I like to call it, Ben Higgins featuring His Crazy Side Pieces. If you'll recall, last week we ended things pre-rose ceremony as tensions in the house came to a head and Ben pulled Olivia aside for a quick pre-ceremony chat.
While these chats usually never end well, Olivia sweet talked her way back into Ben's heart and was safe for another week. Olivia maintains that she's so different from the other girls that they're just jealous of her. Okay, sure, fine, whatever. Not important. She cried a little and I think it totally sold B Higgi. Moving on! It's finally rose ceremony time and he sends Jennifer home which I think any one of us could have seen coming. I don't even know how she was still in competition on this show.
This week, Ben and the girls jet off to the Bahamas for a week of relaxation and ~ fun in the sun ~. Or, at least, that's what they think. It rains and is overcast for the majority of the time that they're there which is a pretty ominous sign of how the episode is going to go. I could not have written a better storyline for this week's installment. Caila gets the first one-on-one date which causes Leah to have a minor meltdown as she feels that she's not getting enough time with Ben. Caila is super nice and down-to-earth, I'm calling her in the final 3. (My current predictions are Lauren B., Becca, Caila. Just so everyone knows.) I have a feeling Caila's going to be the next Bachelorette.
Caila and Ben's date, however, is super rocky and very, very weird. I will just say this: the girl knows how to play the game. Here's a quick play-by-play of Caila's actions over the course of the date:
- Tells Ben she isn't ready to be vulnerable with him when he asks her how she's feeling.
- Tells Ben that she loves him.
- Moments after that, tells Ben that she is afraid to be with him because she knows she'll break his heart.
Pause for a collective W-T-F? Ben sort of interrogates her about what it means to be in love and she tells him that she feels like he understands her. It's mushy and sappy and of course Caila gets the rose. No surprise there.
The group date card arrives back at the house and all the girls minus Olivia and Emily are on it. Looks like I might get my wish after all: a confrontation a la Kelsey and Ashley I.'s one-on-one date with Chris.
On the group date, the girls and Ben hit the open seas for an afternoon on the water … and feeding pigs. Not kidding. There were hordes of swimming pigs in this one bay and the girls and Ben took turns feeding them chicken hot dogs. You read that correctly. It was super weird. The girls act really weird with Ben — JoJo, Leah and Becca in particular — and he really picks up on it. To be honest, he's a pretty perceptive guy. I think Chris Soules would not have batted an eyelash at this kind of behavior on his season. Becca is really rational and at the end-of-the-night cocktail party, she admits that she feels odd with him because of the connection he has with Lauren B., and she handles talking about it with him really well. They still make out, though, so it's a win-win for everyone, I guess!
Leah pulls Ben aside to tell him that Lauren B. is acting fake with him and that she doesn't really care about the competition. Pump the brakes, lady! I couldn't believe what I was watching: it was like Leah Keyser Soze'd us all into believing that she was super sweet and innocent but meanwhile she's the true evil mastermind of the house! Where's her limp and cane? Kevin Spacey should call this girl for a sequel. We could call it The Usual Bachelorettes. She even denies any involvement in talking about it with Ben when a visibly distraught Lauren B. brings it up to the group. Ice. Cold. Ben ends up playing guidance counselor with these girls all night, and Amanda gets the group date rose. I am starting to really love Amanda and I hope she sticks around for a while!
Back at the house, the girls get their two-on-one date card. “Two women, one rose. One stays, one goes. — Chris Harrison”. Anyone else get chills? Okay, I'm lying, I didn't get chills either. However, it is really creepy.
Leah, being the spawn of Satan that she is, goes to Ben's house after the date ended to get more time with him. Not only does she not apologize, she digs herself in even deeper by showing up just to talk more trash about Lauren B., I guess in the hopes that she'll change Ben's mind. It totally backfires on her, he tells her he doesn't feel like their relationship is going anywhere, and sends her packing. All I have to say is: GOOD. You get what you give and she was putting out some seriously bad juju.
It's time for the moment we've all been waiting for: the two-on-one group date. These are generally just mini dates for each girl to really talk and connect with Ben more. I had a lot of problems with this date, mostly because I was uncomfortable just watching them as the weather they were in was not prime at all. It was rainy, it was windy and it just looked generally unpleasant. Olivia and Ben go off together first, and I'm pretty sure she just talked about herself the entire time. Yawn. I feel like I know this girl's entire life story because she never shuts up about herself. Emily, on the other hand, sells herself like Willy Loman's last ride around the block. By that, I mean: poorly and unconvincingly. The girl just isn't a salesman. But it's fine, because BEN GIVES EMILY THE ROSE AND NOT OLIVIA WHAT IS HAPPENING I AM SCREAMING. Honestly, I did not call this happening at all. I honestly thought Olivia was going to make it at least a little bit further.
Ben cancels the evening's cocktail party due to ~ dramatic events ~ of the week and holds what I think is the world's fastest rose ceremony ever. Barring a few bad seeds, these girls are actually pretty chill. He sends Lauren H. home, which broke my heart because you can tell she's such a great person. But at least my new fave JoJo lives to see another week … and so do we, unfortunately. Cheers.
Thoughts & Feelings
- How bad of a tan line do you think Leah got from that crocheted nightmare of a bikini top?
- Did you also die of secondhand shame when Olivia totally deadpanned “come at me, bro” into the camera?
- It drove us totally nuts that Olivia kept acting like she was so much older and better than Emily — they're the same age!
- Anyone else catch Olivia saying “Ben and I's love”? Girl, you are a news anchor, you should know how to speak!!!!
- These girls are extremely messy. Did you catch the state of their hotel room when Leah was packing up to go? She didn't even fold her clothes! That's how you get wrinkles.
Texts From My Editor
- “I just came back from the Bahamas — there's no way hair looks that good.” True. It's like that episode of Friends where Monica goes to Barbados and her hair poofs out like a cartoon character.
- “OMG SWIMMING PIGGIES” Yes, this was super cute … but also if I were faced with 20 giant pigs in the middle of the ocean, I'd probably have a panic attack.
- “The producers slipped Leah some extra $$ — they're like ‘You know you don't stand a chance, wanna make some cash?'”
- Re: Olivia getting sent home: “PLEASE TELL ME WHEN U CATCH UP. MY MIND IS EXPLODING RIGHT NOW” #AintThatTheTruth
- “In the sequel, Olivia finds love…”
Photo credit: ABC.com
Episode 5: Viva Mexico
Episode 4: Stop Referring to Ben as Your Husband
Episode 3: I Hate My Legs
Episode 2: I’m Not a Crazy Girl at All
Episode 1: Are You a Chicken Enthusiast?
Meghan is a recent graduate of SUNY Geneseo with a degree in Personal and Professional Communication. You can find her at the nearest Chipotle tweeting about Drake, her sorority little and Project Runway.