Welcome to week three of The Bachelor! I've been thinking about this episode all weekend — since it's the long weekend, I haven't had to do much of anything except think about The Bachelor. I did, however, forget to set my bracket for this week … so there goes my champion spot. This episode was not a shining star on my radar — I found it pretty dull, however, I think they're truly ramping up the crazy for the weeks to come. Let's recap!
The claws are seriously coming out with these girls regarding a few certain ladies in the house named Olivia and Jubilee. I use that phrase in its widest sense of meaning because these girls are not very trained in the art of passive-aggressive meanness, and it shows. Olivia knows how to play the game, but the rest of them only think they do. It's like watching amateur hour. I'm also dying to see how Olivia acts on camera as a news anchor so if you're reading this, feel free to tweet clips at me. I'm too lazy to look them up myself.
The first date card arrives: it's Lauren B., and Olivia and Caila are not happy. Ben shows up in a vintage convertible (seriously, what's with the cars this season?) and whisks Lauren B. off to an airport where they go on a cute airplane tour of Los Angeles. Apparently Lauren B. gets a little scared, which is ironic because she's a flight attendant? The more I think about it, though, I guess if I were in a two-person plane being piloted by Ben Higgins I'd be scared, too. They start making out in the cockpit too which is equal parts dangerous and weird. They just kept pecking at each other's faces. It was like watching a chicken fight.
Once they land, Ben's got a few more tricks up his sleeve and takes Lauren to a hot tub in the middle of a field. You read that correctly. The middle of a field? Why? Although it's way better than Caila's date to the store where you are supposed to purchase hot tubs and not actually use them, it's still odd.
… so he put a hot tub in the middle of nowhere ooookay.
Back at the house, Caila is realizing for the first time that there are other girls in the house competing for Ben as well! She seriously said that. Do they only cast people who don't watch the show?
Lauren B. is legitimately perfect for Ben: she's invested in her family, cares about the simple things in life, believes in working hard. Not only will I honestly be surprised if Lauren B. doesn't make it to the final three, I'll be shocked if she doesn't win. She even pulled a Ted Mosby and said she wanted to meet his family on the first date, but it doesn't faze Ben and he gives her the first date rose anyway.
The next group date card arrives: Amanda, Haley, Jennifer, Shushanna, Leah, Amber, Lauren H., Olivia, Jami, Rachel, Lace, Emily. The hint? Love is the goal. What can we all assume this is? Soccer! Who cares? Not me! Although it is pretty cool that due to a bunch of sponsorships, ABC was able to bring Alex Morgan and Kelley O'Hara on the show to coach the girls in a 6 v. 6 game to win the date's afterparty. Basically, the girls competed against each other for the post-date cocktail hour. Six of these girls were going to have to play soccer for god knows how long and then go home without a chance at talking to Ben! Kind of sadistic, if you ask me.
Rachel gets hurt and Olivia expresses concern … and then says she's just going to use her injury to her advantage. Olivia might be a sociopath! Although I admit that I questioned if Rachel was actually hurt or if it was more of a Kelsey-from-season-19-faking-a-panic-attack-so-she-doesn't-get-kicked-out situation, but she was definitely hurt. After the stripes win (oh, the game was Stars v. Stripes, did I forget to mention that?), Olivia snatches Ben almost immediately once they arrive to the cocktail hour. We also find out that apparently the girls spend the majority of their time talking about Olivia's ugly legs/feet and Amber gets the group date rose.
The next one-on-one date card arrives and it's for Jubilee, which is super exciting and also very predictable as the cameramen have been setting us up for this basically the entire episode. Jubilee is super nervous and makes it very clear, and talks about it a lot to the camera and to Ben. She's terrified of heights and Ben is taking her on a helicopter ride, so we're already off to a great start! After their helicopter ride they head to a spa, where they try caviar which Jubilee almost immediately spits out. I concur, caviar is gross. Ben ends up in his second hot tub of the episode (his third of the season) with Jubilee, where they get into some serious conversations about life. Jubilee won't go back to Haiti unless she's in a seriously committed relationship, she warms up to Ben and opens up to him, and in return she gets a rose.
The day after Jubilee and Ben's date, we find out that people from Ben's hometown died in a plane crash. What is happening in this episode? At the pre-rose ceremony cocktail hour, Ben makes this announcement and Olivia immediately pulls him away from everyone to talk. Drumroll please … she brings up her insecurities about her legs. Like, her cankles. After people Ben was presumably close to (enough to announce it to a group of girls who don't know him that well) die in a plane crash, Olivia feels the need to complain about how much she hates her legs. Specifically that “it's so hard to be strong” when she hates her legs so much. OK?
Jubilee gets some one-on-one time with him — even though she has a rose, which I'm not a fan of — and gives him a massage to help him relax. That was sweet. BUT you have a rose. Come on. In a talking head, she says that she's one of those girls “who is hated by other women,” which is the number one phrase that makes me want to slam your head against a wall. You can't get along with people if you don't try. This is basic kindergarten logic — when you opened up to Ben, he appreciated it; if you opened up to the girls in the house, they'd appreciate it as well. But I digress, especially since, as Brittny puts it, “you're not in the Bachelor house to make friends.” Bygones.
My anger with Jubilee is short-lived because the entire house tries to gang up on her and confront her about being ungrateful about her date with Ben. I mean, if you're afraid of heights, you're afraid of heights … right? You can't really help that? Jubilee breaks down crying in the bathroom and it takes both Ben and Amber to calm her down. I love a good bathroom meltdown and I'm glad that our first one presented itself so early in the season, but I did genuinely feel bad for her. I have to keep telling myself that the producers did it.
As we edge closer to the rose ceremony, we're treated to lovely Lace pulling Ben aside for yet another crazy person chat however, this one is our last. She's officially leaving the show because she doesn't think she's good enough for him, and that she needs more time to work on herself. True. She says it wasn't the right timing for her and Ben, but I (and Ben, I'm pretty sure) think it's safe to say that it wasn't the right time at all. Ever. Period. She leaves us with this gem of wisdom: “”Like my tattoo says, you can't love someone else until you truly love yourself.”
Final roses: Lauren H., Amanda, Becca, Haley, Emily (will the twins ever split up? Who knows), Rachel, Caila, Jojo, Jennifer, Leah, Olivia
Thoughts & Questions
- What's it like to have cankles?
- Did Jacuzzi sponsor this episode? Are they sponsoring every episode?
- Are you going to miss wanting to punch Lace for two hours every Monday? I am.
- Best quote of the night goes to Jami: “Stop expecting things from humans, start adopting cats”. True. My dog has never disappointed me.
Texts From My Editor
- Re: Lace leaving the show: “'I knew I wouldn’t be getting a rose so instead of being rejected, I’m leaving.'”
- On the soccer game: “They be like…
.”
Photo credit: ABC.com
Past Weeks:
Episode 2: I'm Not a Crazy Girl at All
Episode 1: Are You a Chicken Enthusiast?
Meghan is a recent graduate of SUNY Geneseo with a degree in Personal and Professional Communication. You can find her at the nearest Chipotle tweeting about Drake, her sorority little and Project Runway.
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