When you and your partner decide to have a baby, it's truly an exciting time, and the “trying” part feels like a fun little secret that you and your love share those first few months. But as many of us witness, that secret quickly turns into a struggle, and month after month, you're left feeling disappointed. My husband and I were trying to conceive for 11 months before we lucked out, and while I certainly understand that's not nearly as long as some couples who struggle for years, it was enough to twinge at certain insensitive comments from friends and family.
1. “Don't stress over it! Once you stop trying, it'll happen!” This was hands down the most common “tip” people gave me and it drove me insane. Yes, stress is a factor in the baby-making game, but for those who struggle with infertility, it's much more complex than that.
2. “You're so young, you have plenty of time!” It's not anyone's business as to when someone decides to have kids, and this statement, while well-meaning, implies that they're doing it too young and that is downright rude.
3. “Don't worry — it takes most couples a year.” I heard this a lot, too, and getting pregnant right at attempt #11 ushers me into that percentage, but it's still frustrating to hear. Couples are allowed to feel, and there shouldn't be a magic month that suddenly gives them the permission to do so.
4. “Enjoy not having kids while you can!” When a couple decides to have a family, they actively want kids (duh). Saying to enjoy drinking/partying/traveling/etc. while they still can is like sticking a knife in an open wound.
5. “So when are you two going to have kids?” Being from the South, I heard this question A LOT from nosy extended family members, and it particularly hurt during that time that my husband and I were desperately trying to get pregnant. This question should never be asked, as you never know what's going on behind closed doors.
6. “Do you really want this?” they ask as their screaming kids run around. Yes, yes I do. I want all of that chaos and mess in my life, that's why we decided to have children.
Have anything to add? Tell us in the comments! And don't think that conception is the only family avenue that warrants insensitivity! We'll be sharing things not to say to a couple who is adopting next week.
Related
