How couples can ensure their wedding photography celebrates both partners equally, breaking free from outdated traditions in accessory posing.
The history of marriage is rooted in women being exchanged as property or alliances: an economic or political contract. Families used marriages to forge alliances, strengthen social ties, and ensure the continuation of lineage. In many early societies, marriages were arranged, and love was rarely the primary consideration. Thankfully, most countries have obviously evolved since then, but weddings still often carry whispers of patriarchal motives. “Our popular wedding culture contains a lot of ‘bride worship’ where brides are seen as the center of wedding days,” says photographer Maya Lovro of Maya Lovro Photography. “One of the major contributing factors are society’s frustrating standards that suggest women are meant primarily to marry and procreate. If your entire purpose in life is to fulfill a wifely role, your wedding day is definitively the most important day of your life. Through that misguided lens, it almost makes sense why brides are held on such a pedestal above grooms. Grooms get to hold societal power throughout life while brides only get to be honored on their wedding day.”
This bride worshiping is a driving force behind gendered posing in wedding photography, or as Lovro has coined it, “accessory posing.” “Accessory posing is when wedding photographers pose their clients in positions that use one of them — typically a groom — as a visual accessory to the other — typically a bride,” they explain. “Rather than celebrating the newlyweds equally and honoring their union, accessory posing focuses the visual attention of wedding photos toward one person.”
This is problematic because it reinforces outdated gender roles, and, particularly for LGBTQ+ couples, puts them into a heteronormative framework. Accessory posing undermines the idea of equality in a marriage by making one person appear as, well, an accessory.
On the other side of the bride worshipping-coin is the societal pressure telling men that they're not allowed to show expression, that they cannot be the subject of beauty. “Through years of societal cues, men are falsely taught that expressions of glamour are inherently feminine and, should they enjoy pretty things, it would somehow decrease their own masculinity and worth,” notes Lovro. “Many men feel discomfort at the idea of being celebrated, especially in a socially-defined feminine environment. Some men find a sense of safety in accessory posing — the focus isn’t on them, they’re just there to support their wife. This is a culturally approved role for men to fulfill, they can participate in a celebration of their own soft emotions but only if it’s hidden behind a woman.”
Now that we've shattered the glass for you, you'll likely start to realize how prevalent accessory posing is in wedding photography. “Once you notice this posing style, you’ll see it everywhere — on Instagram, in magazines, in your friends’ wedding photos, everywhere,” they continue. “It’s incredibly common throughout wedding photography and even seeps into other genres of photography like engagement and family photos.”
Lovro argues that accessory posing isn't wrong … if it's done with intention. When they're shooting a wedding, they balance out who is spotlighted. “If I have a bride lead a groom by the hand while walking and looking back at him, I have them switch so the groom leads and looks at her on the way back. If I instruct a client to give their partner a kiss on the cheek, I’ll switch it around after so the partner gives them one right back.” They also leave directions open-ended, with instructions such as “whichever one of you would like to, get in this position” to let the couple decide.
It's also important to note the individual dynamics of couples, and this is where many photographers lean into hetero-driven assumptions, whether they realize it or not. For example, many lesbian couples in which one is more masculine presenting and the other is more feminine presenting often have captures of the more masculine person picking up her wife, twirling her wife, etc. Maybe that's their dynamic, maybe it's not, but it's rarely a conversation that is had beforehand, and oftentimes, as an editor who receives hundreds of wedding submissions a month, I find myself browsing galleries and seeing the look of discomfort on couples' faces.
Wedding photographers have their formulas, and formulas are necessary for being efficient with time on a wedding day. But I think it's important to call out the traditional role-based foundations of these formulas so photographers can give their work a hard look and audit. “We rely on our knowledge of poses from our own past work, educational courses, and other wedding photographers,” says Lovro. “Since we learn from other photographers and existing work, it’s easy to unconsciously incorporate accessory poses into our own repertoire.”
“What I would like photographers to watch out for is when they use it to only highlight one partner in a union. I can’t count the number of times I’ve looked through a wedding gallery to see rows and rows of stunning bridal portraits, dress details, and lovely getting ready photos of a bride and her friends only to stop and wonder — wait, is there a partner in this wedding?”
They continue, “A wedding is the celebration of a union and equal attention should be paid to both/all partners, no matter their gender identity. If a groom appears in half as many wedding photos as his soon-to-be spouse and he’s in the background for most of the ones he is in, that’s not equality.”
So how can couples avoid finding themselves being put into gendered posing on their wedding day?
- Request to see full galleries. You'll start to see patterns in how a photographer shoots, and what they prioritize.
- Utilize the e-sesh. This is a key reason for engagement sessions — to have a deeper understanding of how you and the photographer work together. “You get to test run working with your photographer and can address anything you don’t feel comfortable with before the big day,” adds Lovro.
- Speak up. Whether it's during the engagement session or on the wedding day itself, don't be afraid to let a photographer know that you're uncomfortable. “Your photographer will give suggestions but you’re always in control. If you don’t like how a pose sounds, ask if you can do something else. You can also mix up accessory posing patterns on your own. If you’re a bride and notice your photographer keeps hiding your partner’s face behind yours, suggest the opposite or just jump in and do something different. Your photographer can only take photos of what you and your partner do. You can say no to getting into positions uncomfortable to you.”
Lovro notes that good photographers will be more than willing to adapt as long as you’re not asking for something way outside of their normal services. “If your photographer brushes off your concerns or makes you feel uncomfortable [after the engagement session], you can check your photography contract about the specifics of cancelling. Whether that’s possible for your situation will depend, but I personally recommend not sticking with a photographer who isn’t a good fit for you.”
Examples of equality-minded® posing
And for photographers, now's the perfect opportunity to do a deep look into your own work and implement Lovro's tips for having a more equality-minded® approach in your posing:
- Only once you notice the pattern can you work to modify your own processes, so set aside time to audit your own work and the work of your inspiration sources to see where accessory posing comes up.
- Brainstorm poses that highlight each client equally. Grab some friends and test them out in a low-stress environment so you’re comfortable working with them before your next wedding day.
- When you do pose clients in an accessory pose, balance it out by highlighting their partner next.
- Most importantly, consider your own mindset. Our own values, thoughts, and opinions are huge influences in our work. Do you have any internal biases that you’d like to work on? Be really honest with yourself.
“Changing these patterns will be a slow, gradual process and a group effort. It will take couples getting sick of being shoved into rigid roles, photographers who value equality in their work, and popular wedding media realizing the importance of showcasing a more diverse view of weddings,” says Lovro. “There’s many of us out there today championing for this change, and progress is being made. Just keep talking about it.”
Photography credit: Accessory photos to illustrate article, as well as real wedding photos, captured by Maya Lovro Photography
Related
You must be logged in to post a comment.