Having recently officiated her sibling's wedding, Orange Is the New Black actress Alysia Reiner shares tips for having a loved one officiate your ceremony.
Actress Alysia Reiner has wowed us with her acting in roles such as the iconic Natalie “Fig” Figueroa on the critically acclaimed Netflix series Orange Is the New Black, and alongside Pamela Aldon in comedy-drama television series Better Things. But her latest role is perhaps the most personal for her: an officiant for her sibling Kat's wedding.
“Kat (they/them) and Shannon (she/her) had an Alice in Wonderland tea party with the most delectable tea sandwiches and treats, yummy zero sugar Caldera seltzers, and tea, of course,” Alysia tells us of the couple's celebration, which took place this past June in West Linn, Ore. at Barn Kestrel.
You would think officiating a wedding would be a piece of cake to an actress of her stature, but officiating someone's special day can be intimidating to even the most seasoned. “It's totally different!” she exclaims. “Normally I am given lines to say, but here I had to write the whole thing myself. It's so much more pressure in that way. Also … I care so much. I wanted it to be amazing!”
Alysia, who indeed did write the speech herself (“No AI for me!”) was kind enough to share her tips for couples who are looking to have a loved one officiate their day, as well as advice for the tapped officiants themselves.
What was your first reaction to being asked to officiate their wedding?
OMG OMG OMG!!! OVER THE MOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!
As you prepared for this role, how did it differ from preparing for some of your professional roles?
I have acted in hundreds of TV shows and films but I have never done this before. I wanted to do a great job and do my part to make this day everything they've envisioned it to be.
Before asking someone to officiate, what are some things that couples should keep in mind? Do they necessarily need to be a performer?
Great question! Yes, make sure the person loves to be on stage, in front of audiences, etc. I don't see it as performing as much as public speaking, which some people are deathly afraid of, so make sure that is not the case. In this case they picked a performer, so it worked out.
I would also say it's important to clearly communicate what you are asking for: time commitment, rehearsals, meetings, etc. Have a sense of what you imagine for this person and the full role. Kind of like a hiring situation. This allows boundaries to be presented and respected!
It's also important to make sure you choose someone who understands it’s not about them — it’s about how they can serve the couple, and give the invitees/audience more insight into the couple.
What are your tips for writing a great officiant speech?
My biggest suggestion is to conduct some deep interviews with the couple — both individually and together. I was super young when I got married, and was lucky enough to be married by a friend who was in rabbinical school at the time, so I basically copied all of her moves.
Officiating a wedding? Alysia shares the interview questions that helped her construct an incredible ceremony.
Interview questions to ask the couple together:
- What do they love and HATE in weddings? Any pet peeves?
- What is your origin story? (how did they meet, fall in love etc) if you don't know
- How religious do you want the service to be?
- Do you want your families to participate in the service?
- How long do you want the service to be?
Interview Questions to ask individuals:
- What do you love about the other person?
- What is your story of how you met?
Alysia also recommends thinking back on past weddings that you attended. “Research! Try to to go to weddings or think of what you loved — or didn't love — from past weddings that you've attended yourself,” she explains. “Also, be brief. To quote Lewis Carroll, ‘When you’ve understood this scripture, throw it away. If you can’t understand this scripture, throw it away. I insist on your freedom.'”
Do you have any performance tips or tricks that you can share with those who have been invited to officiate a loved one's wedding but may not be used to performing in front of others?
- Write your script or have notes. Do yourself and the couple a favor and don't wing it.
- Practice! Do it for your spouse, your kid, your dog, whoever you can find.
- Time yourself — make sure it's not hours long.
- BREATHE and maybe invite the audience and happy couple to do the same as part of the ceremony.
Photo via imdb
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