To Share or Not To Share: Is a Private Vow Exchange Right for You?

Private vow exchanges are on the rise, but are they the right choice for you?

Exchanging vows is an integral part of a wedding (obviously), but more couples are opting to do it in an intimate setting rather than during the ceremony in front of their guests.

With almost every couple writing their own vows now, it's no surprise that they can be incredibly emotional and/or personal, so it makes sense that couples may want to share these words just between the two of them. But is it worth giving up the moment during the ceremony? We break down the pros and cons to help you make the best decision for your special day.

PROS OF DOING A PRIVATE VOW EXCHANGE

Intimacy and Authenticity: A private vow exchange allows couples to be their most authentic selves without the pressure of an audience. You can speak openly, cry freely, and fully immerse yourself in the moment.

Reduced Nerves: Seventy-five percent of people fear public speaking, and yes, ceremony vow exchanges are considered public speaking — yikes! Sharing your deepest feelings in front of a crowd can be nerve-wracking. A private setting alleviates performance anxiety and lets you focus solely on your partner.

A Unique Memory for Just the Two of You: While the entire wedding day is a shared experience with loved ones, a private vow exchange creates a memory that belongs solely to you and your partner — a sacred moment in an otherwise public day.

Flexibility in Location: Without the constraints of accommodating guests, you can choose a unique and meaningful location for your private vows: a secluded forest, a cliff overlooking the ocean, or even your living room.

CONS OF DOING A PRIVATE VOW EXCHANGE

Less Connection With Guests: For many loved ones, witnessing your vows is one of the most cherished parts of the ceremony. There's a special magic in the collective emotion of a public vow exchange. The tears, laughter, and applause from your loved ones can amplify the joy of the moment.

Timeline Challenges: Adding a private vow exchange to your day may create logistical issues. Finding time, coordinating photography, and ensuring privacy can add to the overall wedding day stress.

Requires Extra Planning: From choosing a location to possibly writing two sets of vows (one private and one public), this option demands additional preparation.

TIPS FOR A MEANINGFUL PRIVATE VOW EXCHANGE

Choose the right setting. Opt for a location that holds personal significance or enhances the romantic atmosphere.
Time it right. Schedule the vow exchange for a moment when you won't feel rushed, such as at sunrise, during the first look (plan for makeup touch-ups!), or even the night before.
Consider a photographer or videographer. Capture the moment to relive later, even if it's just for the two of you.
Write from the heart. Without an audience, you can be more vulnerable and candid in your vows.
Inform key players. To ensure a seamless timeline, let your officiant, planner and photographer know of your intentions.

IDEA TO STEAL: BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!
If you're leaning toward a private vow exchange but still want to involve your guests, consider reading an abbreviated or ceremonial version of your vows during the public ceremony. This hybrid approach allows you to maintain intimacy while still sharing a meaningful moment with loved ones.