Deconstructed weddings are getting increasingly popular. We tapped experts to explain how to best shake up the traditional timeline.
Gone are the days of the standard ceremony-cocktail-dinner flow. In recent years, couples are increasingly deconstructing the traditional wedding day into segments, such as private vow exchanges, intimate wedding celebrations, high-energy receptions, and late-night afterparties, all conceptualised to be themselves authentically and provide a unique guest experience.
In fact, I myself hosted a deconstructed wedding celebration across continents. My partner and I hosted an intimate wedding ceremony in Los Angeles, and followed it up with not one, but two wedding receptions in India.
If you’re thinking about hosting a deconstructed wedding and don’t know where to start, read on. Here’s an expert-approved guide on how to host a wedding that flips the traditional timeline. Bookmark this guide to host a truly unique and authentic celebration!
Step One: Decide Your Wedding Break-Up (What to Deconstruct?)
Before getting into the planning of a deconstructed wedding, you should be sure that you want to host a deconstructed celebration. Crucially, decide which elements of a traditional wedding you would like to keep and which you want to break apart or not do entirely.
Typically, couples that plan a deconstructed wedding opt for an intimate wedding ceremony or an elopement followed by a larger reception with a segmented guest list later in the week, month, or even year.
Popular Ways To Deconstruct The Wedding Day
Some are choosing to share their vows privately with their partner before the wedding ceremony. Meghan Lynch, photographer at Meghan Lynch Photography, suggests: “Sharing your personal vows in front of 100+ people can be incredibly intimidating, especially when these words are solely meant for your sweetheart. Find a quiet, beautiful location to share those heartfelt words and inside jokes with your partner, where nothing is off limits and you won't feel like you're being judged on how good or long your vows were compared to your other half.”
Couples are also choosing one-of-a-kind locations and venues for their vow exchanges. For instance, some are exchanging vows during sound bath ceremonies on sailboats: “There’s no better way to find your center and be fully present for the exchange of wedding vows than with a sound bath sail,” says captain Spencer MacRae at SunSwept Sailing. “Take your ‘first look’ and set sail along the American Riviera with up to six guests in your intimate circle for a cleansing sound bath where the vibration of singing bowls, bells, and chimes accompany the ring exchange to the soothing lull of the sea, scent of salty air, and fresh flowers.”
Another deconstructed wedding option that is becoming increasingly popular is to host a number of intimate dinners with different groups of family and friends instead of one large reception.
Once you’ve decided that you and your partner would like a deconstructed wedding, the planning begins. Here are some expert-approved tips to plan a deconstructed wedding that is memorable.
Pro Tip: Segment Your Guest List Thoughtfully
Since you’ve decided that you’re hosting a deconstructed wedding celebration, you don’t have to invite guests to all the events out of obligation. Experts advise segmenting your guest list carefully. As you’re hosting multiple events, you can choose to invite guests to each event based on your relationship with them.
“Segment your guest list based on the events throughout the wedding weekend. Think, inviting the older generation and close family to the rehearsal dinner, where a quieter, more intimate environment allows you time to have meaningful conversations with those who will truly appreciate them,” mentions Lisa Davis, vendor relations and partnership manager at Wedding Venue Map. “And if you want to party with your coworkers but the thought of crying through your vows in front of them feels less than ideal, who says you can't just invite them to the party?”
Pro Tip: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Nontraditional weddings can be confusing for guests. Therefore, it’s important that you communicate everything clearly and as early as possible. Guests should be well informed about the unorthodox timeline, dress codes, and what to expect at each event.
“If your guests are by and large accustomed to a certain kind of wedding, a certain flow of the day, and certain religious or cultural or even regional traditions, anything you plan to do that breaks with those traditions needs to be very clearly communicated to your guests so that they don't feel confused, lost, or otherwise uncomfortable on your wedding day,” says Janice Carnevale, owner of Bellwether Events. “Use your wedding website, your wedding invitation, hotel welcome notes, signage, and any other means of communication you can think of to clearly express to your guests what to expect that might be different for them so that they feel comfortable and at ease with how the day is going to flow for them.”
Pro Tip: Give Extra Attention to the Guest Experience
While planning a deconstructed wedding, always think about your guests and how they will experience the wedding events. For instance, if you’re having a private vows exchange, make sure that you have planned something for your guests so that they’re not confused or bored while they wait for you and your partner.
“Nontraditional weddings are super unique, personal, and fun, but the one thing you always have to keep in mind is the guest experience,” says Jamie Chang, destination wedding planner at Mango Muse Events. “When you change the expected flow of events or how/where/when the event happens, you need to ask yourself, ‘What will this be like for the guests?’ You want your guests to have a good time, so planning for their experience before, during, and after each event is crucial so that your deconstructed wedding is actually fun for them, too.”
Pro Tip: Plan for Flow, Not Formality
Lastly, since you’re skipping traditional formalities, invest in intentional details that make the wedding events joyful and meaningful for you and your guests.
“The simplest way to pull off a deconstructed wedding is to plan for guest flow, not a traditional timeline. Decide how you want guests to move through the day, then build experiences around those transitions, like shifting them from a vow moment to a roaming dinner through music or lighting cues,” concludes Manvi Gandotra, founder and creative director at 1Plus1 Studio. “When guest flow is intentional, you can break every rule without creating chaos.”
Cover photo by Lensy Michelle Photography
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