Author and wedding planner Jason Mitchell Kahn sits down with editor Brittny Drye to discuss his latest book, We Do.
In 2013, event planner Jason Mitchell Kahn penned the groundbreaking wedding planning book Getting Groomed: The Ultimate Wedding Planner for Gay Grooms. He has now released his sophomore title, We Do: An Inclusive Guide When a Traditional Wedding Won’t Cut It (available on Amazon for $34.95) We sat down with Jason to learn how this book is different from his last — and why now is the right time for it.
Love Inc.: Your first book, Getting Groomed, came out in 2013, obviously before we had marriage equality at the federal level. Can you tell me why you felt that was the tme to put out a book specifically for gay grooms?
Jason: It had been legalized in New York, and the event industry here was buzzing about the new opportunities that would be happening with gay weddings. There was even a lottery system to obtain marriage licenses for same-sex couples due to overwhelming demand. So, as a New Yorker, it felt like the right time. I tried to write it for grooms everywhere, so I even included how to word an invitation for a nonlegal commitment ceremony as those were happening elsewhere.
Love Inc.: Your second book (congrats!) came out this year. How much has changed in weddings in the 12 years since you wrote your first one?
Jason: For starters, in 2015, marriage equality passed on a national level. I never thought it would happen in our country. I imagined it would stay along political lines, and marriage would be available to all in blue states. Thankfully, I was wrong, but here we are [now], waiting to see if they reverse the federal protection and let this go down to the state level.
And then, looking beyond the politics of same-sex marriage, so much has changed in the wedding space at large. The social media platform Instagram was a baby when I wrote my first book, and TikTok wasn’t even born yet. I didn’t even discuss social media in Getting Groomed or ideas we regularly consider now, such as having unplugged ceremonies.
Love Inc.: Why did you feel now was the time to publish another book?
Jason: The truth of the matter is that when I pitched Getting Groomed, I had been working in events but was just getting started as a wedding planner. Now, after more than a decade of really doing the work, I have much more to say.
Love Inc.: And why did you shift the focus of the book to be for everyone?
Jason: I joke to many potential new clients that I don’t discriminate. Hetero people are allowed to hire me, and they do. But the majority of my weddings over the years have been for the LGBTQ+ community and, predominantly, for men. But anyone who vibes with me is welcome, and it felt like the book should be similarly inclusive.
Love Inc.: Content-wise, how did your approach this book differently, specifically as you discuss LGBTQ+ weddings?
Jason: That’s another part of what has changed since I started. Within the LGBTQ+ community, our language has evolved. Not everyone identifies as a gay groom or lesbian bride. We’re much more diverse than that. We’ve worked hard over the years to change the binary language used in contracts and conversation and make everyone feel welcome.
Love Inc.: The tagline reads, “When a traditional wedding just won’t cut it.” How do you define a “traditional” wedding?
Jason: I’d say a traditional wedding is for anyone who feels very seen in most of the existing books, advertisements, and marketing materials that cater to a very heteronormative couple. If you don’t completely see how you fit in there, this book is for you!
Love Inc.: In your experience as a planner, what have you found to be the biggest misconception about LGBTQ+ weddings?
Jason: That gay men spare no expense at their affairs. Most that I have worked with have excellent taste and want nice things but are also trying to balance expenses differently and are less likely to be having the wedding paid for by parents.
Love Inc.: One of the most frequently asked questions I get as an editor is, “What’s the difference between a gay and straight wedding?” And then I proceed to get on my soapbox, ha! What is your answer to that question, and is that something that you talk about in your book?
Jason: I think you should invest in real estate on that very soapbox! That’s actually what informed the title of this. The biggest difference I’ve observed is that with most — and I do want to specify, not all but most — weddings with a bride and groom, it’s about creating an event for the bride. It’s her day. Sometimes I don’t even meet the groom until the wedding. But with the couples who have two grooms or two brides or simply two people who are less traditional, I have found it’s much more about creating an event that reflects the couple equally.
Love Inc.: Anything that we can expect from this book that’s wildly different from Getting Groomed?
Jason: I wrote Getting Groomed never imagining a world quite so digital. I never thought online signatures would become universally accepted, so that book had folders for printed contracts and places to write ideas by hand. That is all gone now.
Love Inc.: Will this book also have th eworksheets and interactive elements that Getting Groomed has?
Jason: Yes. Each chapter has at least one or more downloadable worksheets to help couples with their planning!
