Hometowns are probably the most boring episode of The Bachelorette every season but I know it’s all worth it for the end result, so I’ll push through. There’s a tiny bit of drama re: Robby this episode, but in general the final four this year is a total snoozefest. I thought the whole point of the show was to keep the villains around as long as possible … I never thought I’d say I miss Nick Viall, but I do. Also… is it me, or does JoJo very clearly have a type? The guys who made it to hometowns all look exactly alike. Especially Jordan and Chase – I sometimes have a hard time telling who’s who. When all is said and done, it’s still pretty obvious that Jordan is the number one front runner. Let’s recap!
First up is Chase, who’s from a mountain town in Colorado. Pretty standard stuff. He comes from a divorced home which makes him the tiniest bit nervous about introducing JoJo to his parents, but he brings his dad over to his place first and then brings JoJo to meet the rest of his family at his mom’s house. He spends the entire hometown date interrogating his dad about why he divorced his mom – in the words of Taylor Swift, we’ve got bad blood. After an extremely awkward chat with Chase’s dad, he brings JoJo home to meet the rest of his family, and it is an entire family outing if I ever saw one. The interesting thing about these hometowns is the guys bring JoJo around their entire families! I personally have a strict six-month policy with guys I date, so I guess I could never be on this show. Chase’s mom is my favorite mom out of the entire episode – she is such a fun wine mom, and her name is Sandy, and I want to be her new best friend. Chase has problems with expressing his feelings and JoJo makes sure to note that to his mom – all in all, a solid family hometown, nothing spectacular.
Jordan’s up next and JoJo is headed to Chico, Calif., to meet the infamous Rodgers family (sans the most famous Rodgers of them all). He takes her to his high school – of course – where he introduces her to his football coach, shows her where he came into his own as a player, and even has a welcome sign for them displayed in front of the school. Solid touch, producers. All anyone on this show cares about is Aaron Rodgers, so as soon as we get back to Jordan’s parents’ house, the camera spans to two empty chairs … where Aaron and his girlfriend would normally be. And, naturally, that’s the first thing JoJo asks about when she has some one-on-one time with Jordan’s brother, Guy-Who-Is-Not-Aaron. JoJo’s so obviously in love with Jordan it’s just not fair to the other contestants, you know? Jordan’s mom is also adorable (and has absolutely perfect skin) so if JoJo marries into this family, it’s a solid strategy for the rest of her life. Then again, I’ve been Team Jordan since day 1, so maybe I’m biased.
I’ve been questioning how Robby made it this far on this show because something about him doesn’t sit right with me. I just do not trust him at all. He’s from St. Augustine, Fla., and calls a horse and carriage to take him and JoJo around the city so he can show her all the spots he remembers from growing up – and then I remember why Robby made it this far. He’s such a charmer (but I still don’t trust him). He’s also the first guy to tell JoJo he loved her … another red flag, especially on this show. To be the first guy to say I love you means you say it within, like, three days! Anyway, I’m curious to see what his parents have to say about him jumping into a new relationship – but he has the absolute happiest family I’ve ever seen. Bonus: his younger brother is a dead ringer for Wells, so I’m in love with him already. Robby’s mom drops the biggest bomb of the night – Robby’s ex’s roommate has been spreading rumors all over the internet that Robby broke up with his girlfriend to go on The Bachelorette. It’s a surprise twist, but it’s one that we’ve already known about for a while considering Robby ended up sort-of-not-really dating her midway through the season airing this summer. Robby has to cut in on his sisters’ time with JoJo to have a ~serious talk~ with her about his feelings for her and if there’s any truth to these rumors. He puts them to bed pretty quickly and assures JoJo that he’s on the show for the right reasons. He’s a smart man – he denies everything, and she buys it.
Luke is the most perfect country boy I’ve ever seen and so, of course, he has the most perfect country date lined up for JoJo in his Texas hometown. His jeans, however, are entirely too tight – he can barely sit down in them. He brings JoJo to meet his mom, dad, sister and 50 of his closest friends in what I thought was a park, but is actually his backyard. So, Luke knows how to throw a party and JoJo is loving it. Luke is super emotionally reserved and talks through his feelings for JoJo with him – especially since his family loves JoJo, Luke starts to realize that he’s got to shape up or ship out when it comes to telling her how he feels. He takes her on a horse ride and then a romantic candlelit walk down to a heart made out of flowers – I wish I were making this up – and yet still can’t tell her that he loves her. He tells her that his heart is hers, but does not make any move past that.
We arrive at the rose ceremony, very fittingly taking place in an airport hangar, and Luke pulls JoJo aside to finally tell her that he loves her. Prior to this, JoJo had admitted to the camera that she knew to send Luke home because he wasn’t as serious about anyone else. Total. Game. Changer. I would have sent Chase home after that extremely lackluster Colorado date, but that’s just me (and also, I’m totally in love with Luke, so again, I’m biased). After Luke’s particularly heartfelt speech, JoJo has a complete breakdown outside the hangar because she’s so torn about what to do. Girlfriend, I don’t blame you. Fade to black – we got hit with a hard “to be continued” on tonight’s episode. I’m pretty sure she’ll send Chase home, because how can you send Luke home after finally confessing his love for you? I can’t believe there are only two weeks left, particularly because there’s been zero character development this entire season. We'll see who she picks next week, although I'm calling my final three as Jordan, Robby and Luke. In a perfect world, however, we'd still have Chad.
Photo credit: ABC.com
Past Weeks:
Episode 7: The One with All the Horses
Episode 6: I Totally Cried for Him Argentina
Episode 5: No One Can Pronounce Uruguay
Episode 4: Perception Is Reality, Chad
Episode 3: Make America Chad Again
Episode 2: Marines Should Behave Better Than This
Episode 1: Canadians Don’t Visit Texas
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